You Know Your A Mother When....
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws-up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
As you cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons;
your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes.
You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say,
"NOT in your good clothes!"
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages,
then spend half the night checking on the kids.
Your feet stick to the kitchen floor and you don't care.
When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room
together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
Your idea of a good day is making it through without a
child leaking bodily fluids on you.
Popsicles become a food staple.
Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
Peanut butter and jelly are eaten at least in one meal a day.
You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.
Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her,
after you suck the dirt off of it because you're too busy to wash it off.
Your kids make jokes about burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.
You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts
to the telemarketer that calls and he hangs up on you!
Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispies treats.
In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures,
water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet
and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
You get up at 5:30am and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink
or go to the bathroom but still manage to gain 10 pounds.
You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing,
drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing,
sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing,
helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons,
folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing,
chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), raking, trimming,
planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting,
playing, and walking the dog.
You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job",
but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
